Caption: The Johnson family.
By Katie Eskro
In our modern culture, you do not have to look hard to notice that marriage is in decline.
Young adults are not marrying at the same rate they used to, and if they do marry, many are marrying at a later age. For those who do marry, there are many who are disillusioned about what marriage is, and a few short (or long) years later when they “fall out of love,” they choose to get divorced.
Still others end up in extremely unhealthy relationships and marriages, where separation is necessary in order to keep themselves safe.
No one enters marriage thinking or hoping they will end up separated and divorced. But as daily life goes on, the ins and outs of small and big choices can inadvertently cause separation between spouses and confusion over what the meaning of marriage is.
It is in the little moments that a marriage is slowly built, or slowly torn down.
Ups and downs
Brandon and Laurie Johnson, from South Shore, are no strangers to the small choices that add up to a happy, healthy marriage. The Johnsons have been married for 16 years and have three children, ages 12 down to 5. They live on a ranch and are part of the Ave Maria Pastorate.
Brandon compares his experience of marriage to that of being on a roller coaster ride with ups and downs. “There have been some really trying times that have been tough to get through, but we have had some good and fun times,” he said. “We have made a lot of memories in this journey so far.”
Through the ups and downs of their marriage, Brandon and Laurie continue to choose each other and to put God first in their lives. This does not mean there are no struggles and no sufferings, but rather that they remember God is with them in the difficult times and that they have chosen to stay by each other’s side, regardless of what comes.
“[I have realized] what a team you can be in marriage if the both of you can be willing to sacrifice your own wants for your marriage and God,” Brandon said. He recalled St. John Paul II’s quote: “Love between man and woman cannot be built without sacrifices and self-denial.”
Suffering as a catalyst for growth
Life for the Johnsons has not been without serious hardship. In December of 2020, Laurie’s father passed away in a farming accident. Such a deep and difficult loss has had a profound impact on their lives and marriage. After her dad died, Laurie struggled with the idea of remaining Catholic. She felt distant from God. She was frustrated that there was so much of Catholicism she didn’t understand and didn’t feel drawn to even trying to discover.
At this time, she did two things. The first was that she called Missy Baumberger, who was in charge of faith formation at Immaculate Conception Parish in Watertown at the time; and the second was that she told Brandon she thought they should leave the Catholic Church and join a different denomination that had a church closer to their ranch.
When Laurie called Missy, she listened and gave Laurie an opportunity to talk out what she was feeling and experiencing in the Church and all of her frustrations. Laurie doesn’t remember Missy telling her what to do or not to do, but she does remember one thing Missy said: “I would encourage you to chat with God about this.”
When Laurie approached Brandon about leaving the Catholic Church and joining the church closer to their home, Brandon had had similar thoughts, but he decided they couldn’t just leave without trying to put more effort in first.
“I remember him looking me in the eye and saying, ‘Faith and religion is much like a relationship, we need to work at it, and if we don’t understand something, we need to try and learn and understand,’” Laurie says.
His response surprised her, because she had expected that he would be fine with whatever she wanted in this area. It made a profound and lasting impact on her and their relationship.
“That is where I really saw him taking the lead of our family and helping us shape into who we are and learn more about our faith and the Catholic Church and teachings.”
Moving toward God together
Once they decided to commit, Brandon and Laurie knew they had to take active steps to investigate more fully the Catholic faith and what it means to be Catholic.
Brandon especially felt convicted while he was considering leaving the Church. “God was pulling at me, and I decided, before doing something different, I should change and put forth the effort to engage and put a little elbow grease in my faith,” he said.
At first, Brandon began listening to “The Bible in a Year” and “The Catechism in a Year” podcasts by Father Mike Schmitz. In addition, while their children were at religious formation at Immaculate Conception, there was an optional parent education program going on at the same time. Rather than just sit in the parking lot and wait for the children to be done, they decided to start attending.
“I will say at first I felt very out of place,” Laurie said, “but quickly realized we were all there just trying to learn more and give more to our families.”
The family has also been going through “The Rosary in a Year” podcast. All of these efforts have helped Brandon and Laurie to experience a closeness with God they had not experienced before, and an assurance that the Catholic Church is where their family belongs.
For Laurie, it’s bittersweet. Losing her father was extremely difficult, yet it was the catalyst that called her to take her faith more seriously.
“I think finding my way back after my dad passed was the best thing for me and our family as we explored it together,” she said.
For each step on the journey of life, Brandon and Laurie are forging a strong and beautiful marriage not by grandiose gestures but simply by choosing each day to love and serve one another and their children. Brandon said, “It has surprised me how good of a team we can be when we push towards our goals in life and in our faith.”
