Brett and Lydia Korn and their children
By Mikaela Pannell
For most couples, having a shared faith is essential. Certainly, this has been the case for Brett and Lydia Korn. They’ve been married for nearly seven years and are members of the Cathedral of Saint Joseph in Sioux Falls. Their journey of shared faith began long before they wed.
Sharing one faith
Lydia explains that in their dating years, the possibility of navigating a mixed faith household, especially if children were to be involved, was never far from her mind. It was a challenge that she didn’t want to have to worry about. She grew up Catholic, and that has always been a defining part of her identity.
Brett was raised in the Reformed church. This was a point of contention in their dating years and was actually the main cause of a temporary split in their courtship. While apart, Brett found his way to Catholicism. He joined the Church at Easter Vigil in 2018, and they got engaged later that year. Since marrying in September 2019, Brett and Lydia have welcomed two daughters and a son into their family.
Having had religion as a point of conflict prior to marriage, Brett realizes that “sharing a common faith has been invaluable. … We didn’t grow up with the same religious background, so after we navigated that, it just kind of highlighted the importance of being on the same page, and being able to turn to the Church’s teaching and instructions, and just the fact that we’re both following the same compass in that regard, and we’re on the same page there … it’s something you can’t really put a price tag on. At the end of the day, if we have a disagreement about something, however big or small, it’s a lot easier for us to know what the right answer is.”
Now that their oldest daughter is in school, she has started asking her parents lots of questions. The Korns are thankful that because they share a common faith, they feel they can rely on each other to lead their children to the truth whenever questions do arise.
Off to the races
While their marriage is in a good place now, the Korns share how it hasn’t always been that way. They welcomed their oldest child just eight days before their first anniversary. Looking back, Lydia acknowledges that things happened quickly, and because of that, they didn’t have as much time to form habits in marital communication. So things weren’t exactly smooth sailing to start out.
“It tried our marriage in a lot of different ways that we never really anticipated,” she said. “It was something then that we had to figure out how to be parents very young but also how to be husband and wife. And we really leaned into our faith in those moments.”
In the whirlwind of being newlyweds and shortly thereafter becoming parents, Lydia explains that it was a time of feeling lost and asking for God’s assistance. There wasn’t much time to get their footing to learn how to be a married couple.
“You’re still navigating how to be husband and wife, and now we’re Mom and Dad too?” Lydia said. “It was just a rocky year, just trying to figure that out. I remember so many Sundays just sitting in Mass, just thinking, ‘I don’t know what I’m doing,’ and just praying and asking for God’s help because I did feel so lost for a while, and we were navigating a very hard time.”
For Brett, this was a time of realizing that becoming a husband and father also meant shifting priorities, and that his desires were now secondary to his vocation. He recalls “constantly working to remember my vocation as a husband and as a father … realigning priorities and remembering my vocation and my responsibility that is spoken in the marriage vows.”
He reflects on times when he wanted to do something like go golfing with friends on the weekend, but recognized that wasn’t going to be his priority anymore. He had to sacrifice things he wanted to do in favor of what was best for his wife and daughter.
Reality can be hard
The Korns said they did do a short time of marriage counseling, which they feel was really helpful because it gave them an opportunity to hear the perspective of a neutral party and assisted them in seeing things from their spouse’s side. Now, when disagreements arise, they have a different approach. Lydia explains that if she and Brett are butting heads on something, “It’s not a ‘you versus me’ or who’s right or who’s wrong. … We’re on the same team, and we need to figure out how to help each other through this situation and how can I meet you where you’re at.”
During the most tumultuous times in their marriage, Brett said, “We both recalled our marriage vows and the commitment that we made in the church and before God, understanding the weight of what those words are.” Ultimately, they go back to the reality of the sacrament they entered into and the unbreakable promise they made to God and each other.
They also realize that the status of their marriage does have an effect on their children. “If [he] and I aren’t good, then nothing is good, because there’s a trickle-down effect from us,” Lydia said, “and they’re only gonna be as good as we are, so it’s very important to make sure that we have a solid foundation.”
The Korns have found it important to share accountability for getting to the sacraments, praying, and keeping their faith alive. They feel that this also helps show their children the importance of a strong faith foundation, which is a calling they share. This has also worked to strengthen their marriage.
At the end of it all, it’s important to realize that marriage isn’t always easy. In fact, sometimes it is really hard. But they are living proof that perseverance and reliance on God can forge an even greater and stronger love than they could have ever imagined.
Mikaela Pannell is a freelance writer and a parishioner at St. Therese Parish in Sioux Falls, where she serves as a lector. She is married with three young children.
