Christ the King, Sioux Falls. (Photo credit: Elise Heier)
By Wendy Royston
“God shapes the world by prayer. The more praying there is in the world, the better the world will be, the mightier the forces against evil.” -St. Teresa of Calcutta
Have you prayed about it? So many times, Christians are asked what God has to say about the way in which they are living their lives or the decisions they face. But many Christians cannot cite a time when they’ve personally heard God’s voice.
The Catechism of the C
atholic Church defines prayer as “the raising of one’s mind and heart to God or the requesting of good things from God” (2559). It is a free gift to mankind to be able to communicate directly with the one who loves each of us, who infinitely cares about the thoughts, feelings and desires of each of his beloved.
St. John Paul II told the faithful that ordinary Christians should not be satisfied by a shallow life of prayer incapable of filling the whole of life in his Novo Millenio Ineunte in 2000.
“Of course, priests and religious are called to deep prayer by nature of their vocation … but ordinary Christians who live a superficial life of prayer … will run the risk of having their faith progressively undermined and may even succumb to far-fetched substitutes,” Father Scott Traynor, vicar for lay and clergy formation for the diocese, explained.
And, yet, as an intimidating and begrudged “task” that Christians face, it is the most untapped resource available on earth.
“Prayer should be a growing relationship of personal intimacy with the Father, Son and Holy Spirit … in contrast to ‘a thing I should do or just an obligation or a box I should check or something I should do more of but never really get around to, like a new year’s resolution,” explained Father Traynor. “Prayer is just coming to God as I am, which everyone is capable of doing. They may be afraid to do it, but they’re capable of doing it.”
Although God is aware of what is happening in our lives without us ever telling him, it is important that we approach communication with him with the same fervor as we might have for conversation with our parents, spouse, child or best friend.
“In prayer, God’s initiative of love always comes first. Our own first steps are always a response,” Father Traynor said. Much like God doesn’t force his will for our lives upon us, he also doesn’t force us into relationship with him, despite knowing what is happening in our day-to-day lives.
“When God calls us into relationship with himself, he does so in the way that we are made, as human beings, which is on the basis that we have freely chosen to be known,” Father Traynor added. “That’s why it is important to share my feelings, my thoughts and my desires with God in prayer,” rather than assume he will take care of things because he already is aware of our struggles.
A foundation
Oftentimes, those who are seeking a deeper prayer life don’t know where to begin. Father Traynor encourages those individuals to not over-complicate the process and to begin with the Sign of the Cross.
“The catechism tells us that, when we make the Sign of Cross, when we invoke the name, we invoke mysteriously the presence of the person and the power of the person,” he said. “So, as Catholics, as we begin and end our prayers with the Sign of the Cross, the room should shake, because we are calling upon the presence and the power of Almighty God. For all its simplicity, that is a powerful prayer.”
Although some may seek a prayer life outside reciting the Lord’s Prayer, Hail Mary, Glory Be or Apostles’ Creed, those rote prayers offer a great foundation. Even individuals who enjoy a robust prayer life, in moments of immense emotion, feel most comfortable recalling those words.
“If prayer is a heart-to-heart conversation with God, sometimes there are things that are going on in my heart that I actually don’t have the words to express to God,” Father Traynor said. “Sometimes, I am too grateful or I’m too joyful or I’m too sorrowful or I’m too contrite, and I just don’t have the words, and I find such consolation in going back to the great literature of the traditional prayers of our Church. On the other hand, if a person was only in conversation with their dear friends by quoting something that someone else had written, [the relationship] is not as authentic.”
Much like a child masters language, the faithful should find comfort in taking baby steps to build their prayer lives, starting with rote prayers taught in childhood. Catholic tradition provides several methods of prayer, some of which are scripted and offer a framework for when more authentic prayer is more difficult, and others that lend themselves to an authentic giving and receiving with God.
“There are lots of beautiful methods of Catholic prayer in our heritage, and they’re all great to become familiar with and mix and match the tools that they give us,” Father Traynor continued, “but all of them are aimed at stirring up our hearts so we can enter into this heart-to-heart conversation with God and, most of all, receive his grace, his blessing, to come alive in our hearts to have that experience with God. That felt experience doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does, I don’t want to plow on [past it].”
Catholic prayer methods include use of the following:
- Rosary
- Devotionals
- Chaplet of Divine Mercy
- Lectio Divina – praying with Scripture
- Vario Divina – sacred art/statuary
- Praise and worship music
- Ignatian meditation
- Ignatian contemplation
“All of those different methods, which different people will find helpful at different times and in different situations in their lives … have something in common,” Father Traynor said. “There’s a heart to each of those methods of prayer to turn my attention to something [and allow] my heart to be engaged” and an opportunity for the prayer to talk with God about those thoughts, feelings and desires.
Sometimes, Father Traynor said, the intended process can be redirected by seemingly unrelated thoughts. But he warns against assuming that “intrusive” thoughts are disruptive to prayer time.
“If I’m in the middle of the Rosary and I all-of-a-sudden start thinking about something that happened at recess in fifth grade, I want to take the time to talk to God about the memory that was stirred by prayer,” he said. “I may have in my mind what I think I want to talk to God about in this time of prayer, but God may see something else in my heart that he wants me to bring to him for my good, and that can feel like a distraction because it’s not what I planned to do. But God sees that and he’s like ‘that is part of your heart, and I want you to share it with me.’ … Prayer is, above all, a heart-to-heart relationship with God, so that I can grow in relationship with him. I want to talk with God about that thing until I am satisfied, and then I can go back to whatever I was praying before.
“Sometimes we are blessed with a felt experience of God, his presence, his power, his love, his blessing, his joy, his peace,” Father Traynor continued. “It just comes over us. And when that happens, the thing I want to do most of all is just receive, receive, receive. Just rest in that and receive that felt experience of God as long as it is available to me. The meditating has served its purpose, and I want to just rest in that. Whether it’s for 10 seconds or for the next three days, I just want to hang out there until it runs its course, and then I’ll return to whatever I was praying with.”
Father Traynor offered a three-step process for determining whether thoughts unrelated to prayer are God’s prompting or true distractions.
“If I’m praying the Rosary and I’m on the mystery of the Nativity and I’m halfway through the decade and I realize I haven’t spent a minute meditating on the mystery, I’ve just spent [that time] running through my to-do list, the first time, I want to gently go back to what I planned to pray with. The second time, I hit pause on my plan for prayer and tell God about the distraction and any thoughts or feelings that accompany it, then gently go back to what I was praying with. The third time, I want to set aside what I planned to pray with and actually pray with this, because a real distraction will never survive step two.”
A conversion to prayer
Father Traynor, who did not always envision a life of Catholic service, recalled his own baby steps toward a robust prayer life. Having been raised by devoutly Catholic adoptive parents, he had all but abandoned his faith prior to moving away to college. But, as a sophomore, he dated a girl whose faith was integral to her relationships. Her nondenominational Christian friends encouraged him to begin a journey of prayer by opening up to one of the Gospels and reading until a portion of Scripture drew his attention, then talk to God about whatever stirred up in his heart, as if God were a trusted friend. One evening, when plans failed and he found himself alone in a fraternity house, he sought solace in the process.
“It was tremendously awkward,” he recalled. “But I just leaned into it, and eventually what came up in my heart was all of the lousy things that had happened in the preceding two weeks. So, I just told God the story for 15 or 20 minutes.”
What resulted wasn’t an overwhelming experience of God’s love, but suddenly he felt the angst and pity he felt over the situation dissipate.
“There was an obvious difference to me. It was just simple and quiet. Something happened that was real,” he said.
Father Traynor continues to recommend that those who are prayer-hungry dig into Scripture as a “personal place to begin” to find direction.
“Just having a steady diet of the Word of God is going to open our hearts to God, drawing us closer to himself, [and] it invites that relational thing—I’m paying attention to whatever stirs in my heart and opening up” to him about it. “If people just start doing that for five to 10 minutes, they’re going to very quickly be drawn into an experience with God and a desire to spend more time in prayer,” he said.
Meeting him where you are
Father Traynor encourages the faithful to open their hearts fully to God’s love and friendship, resisting the urge to keep secrets.
“The love of God is addressed to me as I am right now, so the only way I can actually encounter him is to come to him exactly as I am right now,” Father Traynor said, even if that means revealing immense sadness, fear, anger or grief. “His love for us is unconditional, and it is personal. If I’m trying to present myself in a way that is not authentic, I am actually distancing myself from the bullseye of God’s love.”
For that reason, Father Traynor cautioned against comparing one’s prayer life to another’s.
“It’s never useful for me to compare my relationship with God to someone else’s. … Each person is capable of a relationship with God that no one else is capable of repeating, because we are each unique, unrepeatable masterpieces of God’s love,” he said. “God doesn’t want me to pray like Mother Teresa or John Paul II or … anyone else. He already has those people, and I’m capable of a relationship different from any of those people, and that’s who God is loving and inviting to unite in his love—me, as a unique creation.”
Instead, he encouraged the prayerful to continue until they are satisfied.
“If my prayer doesn’t feel like something deep and personal and natural, there’s something more for me to discover or enter into,” he said, adding that the words of St. Augustine are a good metric for the success of one’s prayer efforts: “Whenever I pray spontaneously from my heart, if it’s not somehow captured in the Our Father, it’s probably not a Christian prayer.”
But the only true measure of prayer lies in whether one’s thoughts, feelings and desires were shared freely with God.
“The real measure of a specific time of prayer is ‘did I do that honestly, or did I only share with God the lovely things that came up in my heart or the things that I think are right? Did I come honestly, as I am and share things with God as if God would know nothing about them unless I told him?’ If I can say ‘Yes, I did that,’ day in and day out I’m doing that consistently, I guarantee that a person’s relationship with God will be deepening in intimacy,” Father Traynor said.
Father Traynor encourages those interested in pursuing a deeper life of prayer to consider enrolling in the fall 2026 class for the School of Missionary Discipleship. The two-year course begins with a 12-week class focused on prayer and discernment. Learn more at sfcatholic.org/discipleship/school-of-missionary-discipleship-2/.
Writer Callout: Wendy Royston is a freelance writer and parishioner at Sacred Heart Parish in Parkston. She is married and has five daughters. She has a degree in journalism and owns Creative Content Solutions.
- Father Scott Tranor is the vicar for lay and clergy formation and director of the Office of Discipleship and Evangelization in the diocese.
- The Cathedral of Saint Joseph offers several beautiful places for prayer, including the St. Joseph altar, pictured here.
