By Jake Geis
A modern American parent feels many hands tugging on his or her sleeves. This can be the literal tugging by the kids’ little hands, but frequently it is the figurative pull of a dozen different responsibilities. Among these competing obligations, we like to claim that family is paramount. Yet if we shine a light on our day-to-day actions, is that evident?
For Vic and Kellie Weber, the commitment to family and faith is noticeable. Learning how to distribute their time among kids, work and each other was a process that developed throughout their marriage, at times forcing them to make difficult decisions. But through two decades of marriage and raising four kids, prioritizing each other, their kids and their faith dictated different actions but yielded beautiful results.
Grow with your spouse
The start of their marriage was one marked by busy lives. “I was farming about 9,000 acres with my dad and brothers,” Vic began the story. “Planting season started in April and ran until the Fourth of July.”
Kellie offered her role, saying, “I was the preschool teacher and the daycare director. But from the start of our marriage, we had a mandatory monthly date night. If we needed a baby-sitter, we found one so we could spend time together.”
While it may be easy to let this type of activity slip during harvest or when kids are sick, Vic and Kellie kept it going to invest in their relationship with each other.
Not all time together needs to be fun time to be fulfilling. Working together can test a relationship, but if done in love will build an unbreakable bond. Vic chuckled as he recalled the time he taught Kellie how to drive the grain truck.
“I still remember the time I threw her in a semi with an automatic transmission,” Vic said. “I knew she could do it.”
Kellie’s memories were a little less lighthearted. “And I was terrified,” she said, “because the steering wheel was bigger than me.” Yet, according to Vic, it was a success. “And now she drives it to Madison and back all the time,” he said proudly.
“We learned so much about each other during those challenging times,” Kellie said.
“To adapt and overcome,” Vic responded.
“And it made us such a stronger couple,” Kellie continued. “There were so many things that played out during those early years that made our relationship so much stronger.”
To see a couple finish each other’s thoughts seamlessly with grace is a mark that the work and the leisure together have borne fruit.
Pivot your life
With two careers and a growing family, time began to get squeezed on the Webers. The first decision they made was for Kellie to leave the daycare.
“It was hard to give up working because I was a daycare provider, I taught preschool,” Kellie said. “What are they going to do without me? And it was a part of my identity.”
For Vic, it also meant a painful change. “I lived in a tractor. My family was growing up and I wasn’t there to grow up with them. So, I gathered my brothers and asked their permission if I could farm on my own. My dad was hurt because he thought I left them hanging, but working that hard was very wearing on me.”
In both cases, the decisions were made together.
“We would have these conversations together,” Kellie said. “Let me run this by you: I am thinking about quitting the day care, or I’m thinking about farming on my own.”
“It’s about trusting each other,” Vic added.
Of course, these changes are not without consequences. Aside from the identity and adult family relationship challenges, money was tight.
“Those first years were pretty tough and we had a lot of hard times,” Kellie said. “The kids were little and the house was falling down around us, and there were times that Victor threw me into a tractor and I had no idea what I was doing!”
These changes also elicited negative comments from others. “My aunts would come over for a kid’s birthday and ask when Vic was going to get us a new house,” Kellie said.
“It really got hard when we built a new machine shed and still had the same old house,” Vic added. “Family would ask why the money went to a shed instead of a house. But you have to protect the machinery investment to pay for the house you want.”
Time together isn’t just for fun
The changes Vic and Kellie made created the time for the family that was desperately needed. Vic ate breakfast with the family every morning, so that no matter what else happened that day, they would be together. Kellie took the kids to the field, and they all ate supper together there on the ground.
With the work that a farm requires, there’s not a lot of time for play, but time together can be created in the midst of work.
“It’s easier for Mom and Dad to say on the farm, ‘Go clean that barn or pick those rocks.’ I thought instead it was better for us to do it together,” Kellie said. “If you pack a mean lunch with maybe a pop, which we never had otherwise, it was so much easier to get that work done.”
Life for the Webers is much like other American families—there’s a lot to be done and not enough time to do it all. They viewed this challenge with the mindset that they and their children are the priority and directed their life based on this. It impacted careers and finances and brought negative commentary on them from others. Yet, the result is a marriage and family filled with joy.
If you and your spouse want this as well, are you willing to sacrifice to make it happen?
