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By Sandy Petree
July is the month when the Catholic Church focuses on the teachings and role of natural family planning (NFP) in marriage. So we can ask: What are the reasons for the Church’s requirements as part of God’s design and plan for marriage, and how do natural means of family planning actually strengthen marriage?
First of all, many people are unaware of where the teaching on NFP comes from. Not only has it been a natural part of God’s design for marriage from the beginning, but it has been reinforced by popes of modern times. In 1968, when Pope St. Paul VI issued Humanae Vitae, everyone thought the Church would reverse its teachings and now “come up-to-date” with its teaching on birth control. Before that, contraception had not been permitted by any Christian church until the Anglican Church allowed it in 1930 for “special cases.” Many other churches then followed the same protocol. In 1960, the oral contraceptive pill was approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration and released to the public, so people expected approval of it by the Church very soon thereafter.
However, everyone was shocked when the document Humanae Vitae came out, and, unfortunately, many Catholics decided not to follow the teaching. This bothered me, as I was very aware of the fact that the pope was Christ’s representative on earth, remembering the phrase, “You are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it” (Mt 16:18).
So what is this teaching that everyone rebelled against? I will quote from St. Paul VI’s document, Humanae Vitae: “In fact, as experience bears witness, not every conjugal act is followed by a new life. God has wisely disposed natural laws and rhythms of fecundity which, of themselves, cause a separation in the succession of births” (11).
“If, then, there are serious motives to space out births, which derive from the physical or psychological conditions of husband and wife, or from external conditions, the Church teaches that it is then licit to take into account the natural rhythms immanent in the generative functions, for the use of marriage in the infecund periods only, and in this way to regulate birth without offending the moral principles …
“The Church is coherent with herself when she considers recourse to the infecund periods to be licit, while at the same time condemning, as being always illicit, the use of means directly contrary to fecundation, even if such use is inspired by reasons which may appear honest and serious. In reality, there are essential differences between the two cases; in the former, the married couple make legitimate use of a natural disposition; in the latter, they impede the development of natural processes” (16).
Several years later, Pope St. John Paul II gave a series of 129 lectures over six years on the Theology of the Body, during which time he discussed how we are made in God’s image and reaffirmed the teachings of Humanae Vitae. He also maintained that the significance of sexuality is “a way to express authentic love and communion and that sin can distort our understanding of the body and lead to misuse of sexuality.”
The Catechism of the Catholic Church also states that natural methods that are not contraceptive in nature also bring freedom and respect between the spouses. “Periodic continence, that is, the methods of birth regulation based on self-observation and the use of infertile periods, is in conformity with the objective criteria of morality. These methods respect the bodies of the spouses, encourage tenderness between them and favor the education of an authentic freedom. In contrast, ‘every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible’ is intrinsically evil” (2370).
In our own marriage, my husband and I found that periods of abstaining during the fertile time only led to a greater appreciation of each other. Even though it can be difficult, there is a satisfaction and fulfillment knowing we are doing God’s will and not our own. It also gave us the opportunity to really evaluate the size of our family and if we wanted to have another child at that time.
Even though no one ever asked us if NFP “worked,” there was the subtle thought that apparently it didn’t work whenever we had another child. However, we always charted my cycles and knew exactly when I got pregnant with our next baby. A few years ago, when I was with all four of our daughters, one of them asked me why we had eight children, and I asked her if she could imagine our family without the last two we had. She looked horrified and responded, “Oh no! That would be terrible!”
Many families cannot imagine how they almost missed another chance to give love and receive love after they have another child. Contraception, on the other hand, leaves God out of this intimate part of their lives and inhibits couples from having the chance to discuss and decide on whether or not to accept another child.
Here are some other responses from couples in our diocese who teach and use NFP in their marriage and have found how NFP strengthens their marriage bond.
“So much has been written about the differences between men and women, but NFP completely demystified my wife’s cyclic changes. One day, I woke up and recorded her temperature drop, and I suddenly realized that today was going to be a day for softer words and kind deeds. Until I saw the pattern, it seemed so random. Since I’m designed to wake up the same every day, I was confused why sometimes my antics made her laugh and sometimes they made her mad. Once I saw it, married life became easier, and I came to respect God’s amazing design.” -Matt Schroeder, Sr.
“If you are using a form of contraception and you say, ‘We’ll have kids in “x” years or after this or that life-event,’ then oftentimes you don’t really talk about it again until later, sometimes years later. That means you’re withholding your fertility from each other, and God isn’t part of the decision. Fertility awareness means you reassess your reasons for avoiding pregnancy frequently, and you have that conversation with God. Those frequent three-person conversations strengthen marriage. It helps you to hold nothing back from each other or from God. The four marks of love are total, free, faithful and fruitful. NFP supports all of these. More perfect love makes a more perfect marriage.” -Dr. Renee Schroeder
“I once had someone tell me that we NFP teachers need to stop wearing rose-colored glasses when it comes to NFP, that it’s not this wonderful beautiful thing that will fix all your problems. After teaching over 100 clients over an eight-year period, I realized she was right. NFP, when used to avoid having children, is a cross to bear. It is hard and can be frustrating at times—make no mistake about that! But also, with the cross comes the resurrection. Using NFP in my marriage has made us both come face to face with our selfishness; avoiding can be a challenge, and it has made us ask tough questions in regards to why we feel like we need to avoid. Sometimes, we did have serious reasons; other times, we realized we were being selfish and not truly open to God and his plan for our life. And when we aren’t selfish, our marriages can flourish.
“It also has helped me and countless others confront and work through our birth trauma. I have heard many, myself included, say after a difficult or traumatic birth that we will never do that again. My husband struggled with wanting more after our traumatic birth as well. Using NFP to avoid for years on end was not something we looked forward to. So we did the work, we sought help, and ended up having a very beautiful redeeming second birth (we now have four). If I was able to just get on birth control or use other forms of birth control, we would’ve stayed in that unhealed place and been deprived of the blessings of our four children.” -Jody Thompson, Certified FEMM instructor
For more information on NFP or to find out about classes, go to the Marriage & Family link under Discipleship & Evangelization at www.sfcatholic.org.
Sandy Petree is the NFP coordinator for the Diocese of Sioux Falls.
