Photo by Josh Applegate_Unsplash
By Katie Eskro
“An unexamined life is not worth living,” Ancient Greek philosopher Socrates is quoted as having said.
What is an examined life? Why did Socrates think it necessary to examine your life for your life to be worth living? If Socrates is right about the essentiality of self-examination, these questions are important to consider.
According to Dr. Chris Burgwald, director of discipleship formation for the Diocese of Sioux Falls, “By growing in self-knowledge, we are able to better understand how and why we respond the way that we do, and therefore, the better we’re able to act in the way that we desire, that is, with love and virtue.”
Growing in self-knowledge and understanding of who we are and why we react the way we do is essential to living a healthy, happy, and holy life. Thankfully, the Church has given us myriad options to guide us in healthy introspection.
Healthy self-examination
Being a healthy person is the foundation of living a happy and holy life. We can talk about being healthy in terms of physical, spiritual and emotional health, and really what this means in all of these areas is living a life of balance. For example, a balanced diet and a middle-ground of activity and rest all lead to a healthy body.
Emotional and spiritual health can be a bit harder to discern where and how we need to grow, and this is where a healthy practice of self-examination can come into play. However, examining our insides can be difficult.
“For most of us, the reason we avoid looking in the metaphorical mirror is because we’re afraid of what we’ll see,” Dr. Burgwald said. “It’s human nature to avoid or ignore our own faults, and we know that if we take time to examine ourselves, we’ll see things we won’t like.”
It is only in conquering this fear that we will be guided to truly know ourselves and be able to love God, ourselves and others.
Father Tim Smith, judicial vicar for the diocese and parochial vicar of Queen of Peace Pastorate, says we need to relate our fears and shortcomings to God and not just keep them in our heads where they can spiral out of control.
“A friend of mine with a counseling background taught me a concept called ‘the empty chair,’” Father Smith said, “in which a person says what they think, feel and need to an empty chair. It’s an exercise to help a person express themselves and break free from just ruminating on things within themselves.”
We can only practice healthy introspection if we include God in the process. Dr. Burgwald agrees.
“If we look at ourselves merely from our own perspective rather than his [God’s], we’re prone to hyperfocus on either what we like or dislike about ourselves, rather than seeing both in their proper context,” he said.
How can we know if we are addressing what’s going on inside of our deepest self? One popular adage is known as the “what’s in your coffee cup” analogy. Imagine you are holding a coffee cup and someone bumps into you. What comes out? Coffee, right? In a similar way, when someone metaphorically “bumps” us, perhaps by saying something sarcastic or asking us to do something we don’t want to do, or overwhelming or annoying us, what comes out of us shows us what is inside of us.
Do we respond with bitterness? Anger? Annoyance? Or love, compassion, understanding and mercy? Do we know how to set good boundaries so that we do not grow in resentment? Observing ourselves as we respond in real life situations can help us to see what our insides are really like. In turn, we can bring our responses to God and ask him to help us see what is really going on inside of us and where we need his healing, truth and love.
“I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief,” C.S. Lewis wrote. We must ask God for the strength to examine ourselves deeply enough that whatever wounds, hurts and fears are assailing us, they can be brought to the surface and seen for what they are. When we are not reacting as we want to towards our loved ones, it can actually be a sign that God is inviting us to bring ourselves to him for healing.
True health leads to happiness
Going back to the coffee cup analogy, what is in our cup comes out of our cup. It is only when we are pursuing a life of health, being brave enough to face what is inside us, and bringing what we find there to God that we can be happy. Once we are on this journey, our cup is filled with happiness, even when things aren’t perfect or when they’re hard and overwhelming.
This happiness only comes from including God in the equation. “When I look at myself ‘alone,’ I tend to focus on the flaws,” Dr. Burgwald said. “But when I see myself as God does, those flaws and imperfections are still seen, but in the context of his love for me.”
This is where, even when perfection is impossible, true happiness can be found. By turning to God in our weaknesses, by allowing his healing into our trauma and wounds, we can learn to accept God’s mercy and embrace ourselves in his love, even with our failings.
“Healthy introspection for Christians isn’t simply seeing ourselves, it’s seeing ourselves as God sees us, in the context of his love for me, which also sheds light on my strengths and gifts and helps me to recognize my true identity: His beloved son or daughter,” Dr. Burgwald said.
Father Smith agrees. “Without the love of God, we can do nothing (Jn 15:5), and with the love of God, we can truly live a fulfilled life in all circumstances.”
For Father Smith, he has found that conscious contact with God throughout his day helps him to stay connected with God and reliant on him instead of focusing too much on what is going wrong or what is outside of his control.
“Maintaining a conscious contact with God is related to being aware and actively engaging in my spiritual relationship with God in the present moment,” Father Smith said. “The practice of surrendering our affective movements, thoughts, feelings and desires over to God at the very moment we are experiencing them is the pathway to freedom.”
Dr. Burgwald and Father Smith both say there are numerous devotional practices that can help people to stay centered and focused on God in the present moment. Father Smith shared how, when he was going to school at St. Mary’s University, before every class period they would pray, “Let us remember that we are in the Holy Presence of God” and then take a moment of silence to remember God’s presence.
“It was a simple practice,” Father Smith said, “but it is an example of how a small gesture can help keep us in contact with God. The exact wording can be changed, but the discipline remains the same. Someone may say the words of the Divine Mercy devotion, for example, ‘Jesus I trust in you!’ or other prayers, but the effect is the same: re-establishing that conscious contact with God.”
It may also be that when we notice ourselves getting angry, resentful or saying something hurtful, it’s time to take a moment to recall God’s presence, allow him to remind us who we are as his son or daughter, and ask for his help to respond with love.
Dr. Burgwald recommends the Examen prayer to implement a practice of examining ourselves at the end of the day, to consider our day and look at what happened, how we responded, where we might need reconciliation and to have the opportunity to ask God for his forgiveness and help.
“In this prayer, I review my day, attentive to the ways in which I was aware of and responded to God and his grace, and to the ways in which I missed or neglected him, his presence and his grace,” Dr. Burgwald said. “Many people practice the Examen on a daily basis as a way to grow in awareness both of God’s nearness and of ourselves and our tendencies, our habits.”
In any and all of these practices, as we grow to be more aware and ask God for his help and mercy, we will find ourselves to be more happy and fulfilled and less anxious and fearful of the hardships that come and go. We will be able to suffer with more love and less anger, and enjoy all the good things God has given to us.
Healthy, happy and holy
Healthiness and happiness lead naturally to holiness. One does not reach holiness without pursuing health and happiness—they go hand-in-hand.
When a person actively pursues a life of healthiness, being willing to look closely at themselves and examine their life with God’s help, their happiness grows and so do their relationships toward holiness. A healthy and happy person is able to be vulnerable and to live healthy relationships well.
These relationships naturally lead towards holiness, as friendships grow in virtue and godliness together. Friendships built on healthiness are able to withstand mistakes, hardships and misunderstandings.
“The beauty of the spiritual life is that it requires perpetual care,” Father Smith said. “We continue to strive each day. All relationships require effort and continuous growth and maturity. Living as a missionary disciple is an extension of this continued need to be holy and love God and others more each day.”
We are meant to live and grow in the context of relationships. Without others to live this journey with, our spiritual lives and our personal holiness can wax and waver. God made us for community. It is only within the context of good, healthy relationships that we can grow toward holiness, together.
In addition, the foundations of health and happiness lead to a more fulfilling spiritual life and friendship with God. After coming to know ourselves more fully in the eyes of God, we grow in the truth and love necessary to living a life of holiness and service. We cannot give what we do not have, and only through knowing ourselves and receiving God’s love for us more fully can we love our neighbor.
Father Smith encourages us to remain faithful to the prayer practices that we feel God has invited us to, and thinks that prayer is always necessary to living a life of introspection and self-awareness, regardless of the type of prayer or way of praying we prefer.
“In my life as a priest,” he said, “I pray the Liturgy of the Hours, which I have made a solemn promise at my ordination to pray in the name of the Church for all the world. This is my personal call from God as a member of the clergy … It is a gift but it is also a discipline that keeps me in conscious contact with God. Not every moment is filled with profound meaning. Like all humans, I experience fatigue and distraction, but I am always amazed at the way in which God continues to bless this activity of prayer when it is offered for the sake of others in the name of the Church that Jesus Christ established.”
Living a life of self-examination—being willing to dive into our wounds and weaknesses with God, growing toward happiness and holiness alongside others—truly leads to a life worth living for God, for ourselves, and for others. Adopting a lifestyle of introspection can help us to live lives of fulfillment and freedom.
Katie Eskro is a member of Sacred Heart Catholic Church in Aberdeen where she works as the coordinator of Catechesis of the Good Shepherd. She has a degree in journalism and is pursuing a master’s degree in philosophy.
